Life isn't without her
by htbookreader1
Summary: Edward has just heard about Bella's...death...in New Moon WHAT DOES HE DO?--What is he thinking the minute he drops the phone? find out R&R might continue it further to his journey in italy but not sure totally sure...updated last chapter in here
1. Chapter 1

Edward has just heard about Bella's...death...in New Moon WHAT DOES HE DO??--What is he thinking the minute he drops the phone??

**Death Cannot Stop True Love (it just delays it)**

The phone fell from my hands. If I had a heart, it would have stopped beating. But it had stopped beating long ago. I closed my eyes as if to wish it away. But I couldn't. She was dead. She was gone. I'd never be happy again; I'd never be whole again. Bella was my entire universe. She was my being. Without her I'm an empty black hole.

I opened my eyes again. And I could see my path clearly. If she were…dead, then I… would die with her. Somehow, I would find a way to kill myself. Good old fashion poison was out of the question, as was a stake into the heart. Another age old myth.

The volturi were my only answer. They'd let me die. They'd kill me. And if they didn't then…I don't know what…I'd make them kill me. God I'm going crazy! This is not how a 90-year-old vampire should be acting. I should be drinking blood, or fighting, or killing or…anything but not what I was doing right now at this moment. Because I was loving. I was in lust, in adoration, in affection, and in love with Bella Swan.

I had come to this conclusion a year ago when I first laid eyes on her. The first time I could smell the sweet smell of her blood I was addicted to her. But now, it had gone so far past that, whatever that was. It certainly wasn't love, because that was what I felt now. That feeling consumed my soul, or whatever was there, when I heard she died.

Staying apart from Bella was the worst move I could have made. I certainly couldn't handle the separation any longer. My body ached for her. I needed her. Each day was an eternity because she wasn't there. And trust me, I know what an eternity is like. I'd think about her laugh, and her smile. That would get me through the days.

At night I would picture her voice, her smell, her hair, and her entire self. And I'd think, "Maybe one day, I'll come back. I'll just see her, and then I'll leave again. She wouldn't even know I was there." But now I could never go back. I would never go on without her.

And I wished once again that I could read her mind. I mean now it was useless because now I would never have the pleasure to guess what she was thinking. But I wish I could have thought about what she was thinking when she died. Were her last thoughts in this world about me? Had she whispered my name as she fell into eternal sleep as she had done in her normal sleep?

Or worse.

Had she moved on? Did she find someone new? Someone who wouldn't work really hard not to kill her every time he kissed her? Someone…human? Did she whisper someone else's name at night when she went to sleep?

What did it matter? She was gone now. And with her gone the entire world lost light. Forget twilight, it would be eternal darkness for the rest of my days.

And that's why I was going to end my days. Yeah, my days are numbered. Italy here I come. I hope you guys don't mind one vampire in head over heels love. Kill me I beg you, kill me I beseech you. Cut me into pieces and fling me into the oceans, the sooner I die and let myself fall, the sooner I awake to her, Bella. Because Heaven is with her by my side, alive or dead.

Even if I'm in hell, at least I'm dead.

Dearest Bella, the love of my life, my death, and the vampire in between. I'm coming. Soon. Bella, I love you. Why didn't I tell you more when you were alive, when you were with me?

Oh Bella. I love you. I love you. If you can hear me, know that I still love you, and I'm coming for you. You're not entering the dark alone, I'm following close behind you. And I don't care how I get there, because I'll see you when I'm there. I don't care if I'm damned, I don't care if I'm an angel, all I care about is you. My sweet Bella, I love you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Second and Final Part to Life Isn't without her. I just figured that I had to end it with some happiness. **

**I also got to include my favorite part...which is this scene and Ed's line "Amazing Carlisle was right"**

**Life ends in death...death begins with love** (chapter 2)

I stand here now. Thousands of people are watching me, waiting for me. But I feel like I'm totally alone. But I've been alone ever since coming to Italy…ever since she died. I try to smile; I try to accept what I'm about to do. It's hard.

Don't get me wrong; it's not hard to walk into the sun at watch as the world finds out that vampires exist. That part doesn't really bother me, because by then I'll be dead. By then I'll be with Bella.

But I keep seeing their faces.

I see Carlisle, with his compassionate face. There's Esme standing next to him with sadness in her ancient beautiful face. I can see Rosalie shaking her head and her blonde hair flying every which way. Emmett has his arm around her trying to comfort her but he can't even comfort himself. Alice and Jasper are also there. They both just stare at me with blank expressions.

What will happen to them once I die?

But what will happen to me if I don't die? I can't just go on without her beside me.

I glance at the clock. It'll be twelve soon and then it'll be all over for me. My shirt is off, and on the ground by my feet. People are staring at my bare chest. Some of them are laughing at me.

"Look at him mama!" cries one little girl.

Her mother shakes her head at me. Her eyes are dark, and her hair is pulled back behind a bun. She's just one face in the crowd, but I can see her so clearly. She doesn't like what I'm about to do. And she's the only one who thinks that, because everyone else wants to see what I'm about to do.

The mother's eyes are piercing me like daggers. Maybe I would have backed out of this yesterday, or a week ago, or a year ago when I first considered this, but I won't now. I shake my head right back at the woman.

And now I find myself thinking about that fictional human hero, Romeo. If I had a heart, it would go out to him now. I used to think he was a wimp. He had it too easy, all he had to do to end it all, was buy some poison. But I had to do this whole shebang to get myself killed.

What was going through Romeo's mind when he entered that tomb? Did he think of his parents at home who would disapprove? Did he think of the friar whom he didn't consult before buying the poison? No. He did nothing of the sort. He was in love, and he didn't think.

I'm in love. I'm in love, and I'm not about to think. Thinking was what got me into this mess. If I had stopped thinking just for a minute, I wouldn't have left her. She wouldn't have died. Maybe…just maybe…I could have saved her.

Then she would be in my arms instead of underneath the earth rotting away like garbage. If only I hadn't been so stupid!

But now I'm not making the same mistakes like last time. I'm jumping. Well, walking really, but it means the same thing essentially.

Then a thought crosses my mind. What if I don't see her? What if I die, but I end up in some kind of limbo? Or what if I'm really only meant to be with the damned? Would I burn for eternity for Bella?

Yes. A thousand times yes.

"_Heaven is here where Juliet lives_." I remembered that quote well. Romeo and I both believed that Heaven was wherever our Juliet lived. Mine lived in heaven now. So to heaven I would sail, and if I fell on my way up, at least I wouldn't have to_ live_ without her. At least there would be no more holes in my being.

The sun was slowly reaching its peak, as was my life span. Finally the time is right. It's time for the world to realize who we are. It's time to die. I close my eyes and picture her face again. I miss no detail this time.

I think of her thick black hair smothering my face. I can almost see her bright eyes and shining pale face. Her laughter, echoes through my mind. I can feel her tears on my cold face. Her lips touch my lips and send a spark through my body. Her skin touches mine and I'm on fire.

Now I begin to slowly walk into the light. My eyes are closed and I can almost feel Bella welcoming me in. Suddenly I feel something small bump into my chest.

I open my eyes and face…Bella.

I smile broadly.

She seems troubled. I can't imagine why though.

"Amazing," I say. "Carlisle was right."

So I am in heaven. And it's wonderful. She's here. I can see her. And I love her. I touch her skin and it still sends shock through my veins. She's yelling at me. She wants me to go back into the shadows. But I don't notice.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good." I marvel at the speed of the Volturi. That's amazing. It didn't hurt at all and now I have Bella.

_I have Bella._

Then I look at her again and breathe her into my soul. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty."

But that's a little odd isn't it? Why does she smell the same if she's dead?

"You smell just exactly the same," I remark to her. "So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

And I don't care, because she's with me. Because I love her and I want to be with her even if it means burning in a fiery pit for all of eternity.

But I learn that she's not dead. She's alive, and I'm alive, and apparently we've got company yet again. And I know the Volturi are going to want an explanation for my actions. They're going to want more than that I can tell.

But it doesn't matter. None of it matters except that I'm with her. Except that I'm touching her, and breathing her, and loving her.

**Thus ends Edward's small POV...maybe i'll try this again soon. To all of you, goodbye**


End file.
